i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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