oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
