i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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