this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
