you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
