one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
