I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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