Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
