good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
