I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
false alarm, still single
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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