Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
this hospital has no fireball
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
