walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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