I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
