The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
