Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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