so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize