Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
