i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
