i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
