the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
