I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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