I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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