Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
