The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
