Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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