this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
