i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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