You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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