Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
