yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
