Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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