I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
