Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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