I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
