my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
