your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
