My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize