Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
