im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i've created a new STD.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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