That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
