Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wish my penis had a tongue
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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