i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
