Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize