i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
