either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
