he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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