just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
