it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
