I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
