I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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