dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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