I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
