My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
