I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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