so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize