Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
