There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
