I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
