btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
