Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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