you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
you never un-have a 4some
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
