i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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