She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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