I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
