would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
