ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
