I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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