I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
