Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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