I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
