I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
