Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize