That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
