How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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