In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
