thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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