It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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