I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
