The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
