I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So squirting runs in the family.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
