we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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