I want to walk on stilts...naked
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
