you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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