i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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