I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
