All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
