we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
