so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
