Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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