Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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