bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
