even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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