what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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