i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
