Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
