and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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